Choosing an alternative wedding dress: Brides, dress to please yourself, not others.

Choosing an alternative or unusual wedding dress can be daunting. As a bespoke dressmaker I have met many, many brides embarking on the thrilling experience of deciding what they want to look like on their wedding day. I try to mention a few things at our first meeting but first and foremost I tell them: “Please yourself!”

You will love your dress but no one else will love it as much as you do. Don’t compromise on anything to please others.

Alternative wedding dresses come in all flavours

jareth bride gay wedding dreee outfit inspiration box hedge maze hever castle

alternative bridal ensemble of silk button blouse and black high waist trousers

I have met brides with very different tastes, body shapes, budgets and priorities. I have designed and made so many different styles of wedding ensemble I can’t possibly describe them all; from boned corsets with beading, hooped skirts and historical touches; an understated satin shift; or ethereal draped and layered silk Georgette. Almost always I love the dress design we come up with together and almost always I get an effusive thank you letter afterwards or a tearful and happy bride at her last fitting. “You understood me, this is perfect, I feel amazing, I feel comfortable, this is the most beautiful dress in the world.”

The best job in the world

What a lovely job I have! To make people so happy, to make people look and feel amazing. Yes, not just good but amazing! Wedding dresses are always amazing, they are always out of the ordinary. Even a fairly typical of-it’s-era strapless, ruched to one side, a-line, ivory satin dress is very out of the ordinary compared to what we all wear in every day life.

But it’s the whole package that does the magic, THIS bride, in THIS dress, on THIS day. Another girl would not pull off the same dress as well, not even if it fitted her, not even with the best photographer in the world. There is something very special about a bride, in her own dress, that no staged shoot can re-create (which I suppose is why the real weddings features are so popular).

My job is to create a costume, a ceremonial garment. Not to transform my clients into anything they are not. I aim to bring to the foreground a bride?s real, hidden, inner-self. My dresses set free, for just one Cinderella day, all our inner princesses, be that princess a medieval maiden, ultra modern fashionista or subtle, classic, English rose. But how ever successful your wedding dress is at making you beautiful, confident and happy, it is not, (despite all those positive, warm bubbly emotions, all of mum’s tears when “the dress” is found), it is NOT the most beautiful dress in the world. And no one else wants it. Harsh, I know, but true.

vneck wedding dress full skirt cadbury purple silk

Purple silk wedding coat

An unforgettable wedding dress

Think how many weddings you have been to? How many of those dresses do you honestly remember in any detail? Unless you are a recent bride or a bride-to-be yourself, then wedding dresses really are just a haze. Fifty percent of the people at your wedding are male, and for the most part not that interested in fashion. Of the female half left, another 25% aren’t interested because bridal fashion has moved on too much since their own wedding day. They don’t have the context to be able to understand the nuances of each choice you made. The last section, your best friends and contemporaries will almost certainly have different tastes to you. While they might honestly love your dress on you, they wouldn’t be seen dead in it themselves on their wedding day.

For this reason do not compromise!

There will be a few people who’s opinions seem to matter too much to ignore. Your mother, your best friend, your fiancé who has said: “Please don’t wear anything big and puffy!” (For advice on considering your mum’s opinions in wedding planning see this blog post.) I have heard too often a client say “I don’t want that style/colour/neckline” because she believes others will think <insert opinion here> of her if she wears it. Even though it is the best style for her and she secretly loves it. I suppose some people might think X, Y or Z, of your dress choice! But so what?

Choosing an alternative wedding dress

Choosing an alternative wedding dress can seem the obvious choice for some brides, for other’s it feels daring and provocative. It many surprise brides worried about choosing something unusual, that for other brides opting to be traditional can feel just as controversial. In some families expectations can be that this woman should not conform or be too ‘boring and normal’ and that can feel just as oppressive in it’s own way. A protest against hippie parents might be to choose a very modest and traditional wedding dress!

Other people will see your dress differently than you expect

You can’t predict what other people will make of your wedding dress. One person’s “full a-line” is another’s enormous, god-awful, meringue. (Oh! Don’t get me started on that terrible phrase “meringue”, there’ll be a whole post on that I promise!) Your perfect, floaty, Grecian number evokes the intended classic simplicity to one viewer; an odd predilection for shapelessness to another; and their mother’s dated and embarrassing draped evening dress to the third.

You have chosen the fabric, the neckline, the button-up back, the pretty lace edging and the medium-length train to evoke a traditional, old fashioned, English country rose vibe. But you can’t predict for sure that anyone else at your wedding will have the same association as you for any of those elements. And even if they do, they may not deem such themes desirable.

bride glances back in custom made illusion back wedding dress

modern traditional bespoke wedding dress with silver lace and illusion back

…So why bother?

But I want you to bother. I want every aspect for your wedding dress to matter, to be mulled over, to be a necessary part of the whole, to be perfected during the fittings until the most beautiful dress in the world emerges before your eyes. But you must know it is only made so by YOU wearing it and YOUR gaze in the mirror. For almost everyone else is is only a dress.

But if I have done my job right, everyone if asked would agree that no other dress would have told the story of you and your wedding day with quite the same truth. Perhaps one or two people will think it is objectively beautiful. But I would put money on the idea that not one person in a thousand would choose your dress for their own wedding day.

And why should they? You probably wouldn’t have worn their first choice of wedding gown either. The purpose of your wedding gown is not to please others, nor to set the trend for future brides, to be the pinnacle of bridal design or to satisfy your in-laws opinions on modesty. It is to please you, and no one else.

If your wedding dress pleases you, others will see your inner happiness and confidence and know you are beautiful even if the dress is not to their taste. The dress is merely a frame, you are the picture. But the wrong frame will spoil the picture. Choose wisely, choose instinctively and choose to please yourself.

bespoke wedding dress for vegan bride in summer garden

bespoke blush tulle wedding dress on a very happy bride

Traditional or Alternative: bespoke is the way forward

I hope my advice has helped ease any anxiety you may have been feeling about choosing an alternative wedding dress, or any style! As a bespoke dressmaker I take particular pleasure that every dress I make is unique. I love making all styles of wedding dress and would be excited to hear about your ideas. Feel free to contact me to book a consultation today.

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Felicity Westmacott

I write about all aspects of weddings, dressmaking, fashion history, and the human relation to clothing. I welcome comments and debate.

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Here’s my handy guide to bridal veil lengths! When it comes to your wedding, a veil is such a lovely accessory to have – it can really elevate a bridal look. Some veil lengths have different names for the same thing, so let's clarify the different lengths can be called: 

Shoulder - 16" 
This one is two tiers, bubble style, in vintage tulle. Cute and fun, it has a retro vibe to it. 

Elbow length - 28" 
I chose a 3-tier style, giving this veil a bit more volume. Again, made in vintage tulle with a cut edge.

Fingertip length - 36" 
I’ve notice this length is one of the most popular for brides, so I’m showing a few versions. The first is a single tier with a corded edge, and the second has a lace edge instead. (dipdye, cut edge, with blusher ) 

Waltz (or calf) length – 58”
I made this wedding veil from vintage tulle with a diamante sparkle. This is a good choice is you want something long, but you’re a little clumsy. 

Floor (or puddle) length - 72" 
For this video I went with a floor length veil with a blusher (2-tier) and a cut edge. This one is extra wide as well, for extra drama.

Chapel length - 90" 
This one is in a cowl (or draped) style, meaning it’s placed on the head in a different way to a usual veil. I made this one from a super soft English tulle, which floats so beautifully.

Cathedral - 115" 
If you’re looking for maximum drama, then this is the length for you. This is the length used in the weddings of royalty. With a metallic corded edge, I also made this one extra wide, because if you’re going to go big, you might as well go all the way.

Which is your favourite length of wedding veil? Do you plan on having one for your wedding?

#2025bride #2026bride #bespokebridal #bridalboutique #weddingveil
Let’s appreciate some of the details of this dress together…

This bohemian wedding dress was made for a vintage Romani Gypsy inspired wedding shoot, and since then it has been used for a few Edwardian and Titanic inspired shoots as well.

For this look, I chose beautifully lightweight ivory silk georgette (or chiffon) and lace, trimmed with ribbons. I spent a lot of time embellishing with hand sewn lace appliqué and tiny glass beads, to make the dress truly unique.

I always like to add versatility to my designs, and for this one I created a lace overskirt, decorated with red and black floral lace and a bold red sash around the waist. Then I made a ¾ length sleeve bolero in black velvet, lined with red satin for the chill nights.

This dress makes me want to dance around a fire, singing folk songs to the stars!

If this dress feels like the one for you, you can find it, ready to order, on my Etsy (link in the bio). Or, you can order it any size you like, completely bespoke to your body and taste. 

#weddingdress #vintageweddingdress #modernvintage #2025bride #2026bride #customweddingdress #bridalboutique #ukbride
Have you ever watched Strictly and thought "I would love to wear that"?

Alison wanted a wedding dress inspired by a gown she saw on Strictly Come Dancing. I love ballroom dancing - my grandmother was a famous dancer in her time, and as a result, I feel a real affinity with the culture of ballroom. So it was really exciting for me to work with Alison in creating her dream dress.

As with all my brides, before I started to cut into the beautiful guipure lace Alison had chosen, I made a toile. The toile is a rough draft of the dress, made in cheaper fabrics. It's a really useful way of checking the fit of the pattern is right, and it also gives the bride a chance to ask for any changes they might want. It's an invaluable part of my process!

The smile on her face during her final fitting says it all ☺️

I think this dress is perfect for Alison, who could easily dance the night away in this gorgeous, floaty frock 💃

#bespokeweddingdress #surreybride #sussexbride #kentbride #londonbride #ukweddingdress #maturebride #modestbride
emailme@felicitywestmacott.co.ukTEL 07762 543230TOUCHGet in
from design to completionbespoke wedding dressesFelicity Westmacott
Dorking, RH4 1RT241 High Street• Visit the Studio •
Dorking, RH4 1RT241 High Street• Visit the Studio •
emailme@felicitywestmacott.co.ukTEL 07762 543230TOUCHGet in